


I Won't Leave You (Not This Time)

by GentlyMorbid



Series: A Promise of Safety [3]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Heavy Angst, So much angst, You might cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 16:05:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10390536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlyMorbid/pseuds/GentlyMorbid
Summary: Ahsoka fears the worst





	

Ahsoka tossed and turned in her sleep, dreams fitful and filled with images of blood and bodies, with a feeling of sadistic glee permeating her core.

She saw Coruscant at night, the sky of the bustling ecumenopolis filled with vehicles innumerable. Ahsoka was perched on top of a nearby skyscraper, slugthrower in hand, sights aimed down.

Her target was walking through the nearby plaza, her scope allowing her to see the young woman’s hands wringing with anxiety. She smirked, as she adjusted the sights in time to see another being running towards her target.

Too late to be helped, the shot rang out. Her target fell to the ground while the incoming near-human made to catch the girl, blood spray hitting her face.

She felt liberated, as if she’d just witnessed a great miracle and was in awe. She’d celebrate after she left the scene, but for now, she wanted to get a look at the face of the person she had killed.

Just as the familiar Mirialan features came into view, the dream ended and Ahsoka Tano woke up screaming.

 

-

 

The Force lit up like a lightsaber around Anakin Skywalker, as he jolted awake.

Ahsoka was in distress!

He leaped out of bed, weapon in hand, as he left his quarters and sprinted as fast as he could to Ahsoka’s room, never mind alerting the temple’s security. A couple of minutes later found him at Ahsoka’s door, which he opened with haste.

His Padawan was sitting up in her bed, heaving sobs emanating from her. The Force did not alert him to any present danger, so he made his way to Ahsoka’s side and enveloped her in a hug, allowing her to continue crying on his shoulder.

He knew she wouldn’t divulge what had upset her until she had finished, so Anakin waited patiently.

After Ahsoka had graduated to quiet, gentle sobbing and eased out of the hug, Anakin examined her tear-streaked features, before gently asking, “Snips, what happened?”

No answer was forthcoming. Anakin knew she was reluctant to tell him. Whatever it was, it had obviously left a detrimental impact on her, so he waited.

After several minutes of silence, Ahsoka whispered, “I… I killed Barriss.”

Anakin’s heart skipped a beat, as he tried to rationalise what Ahsoka had just said.  
He was really concerned now. “What?! Snips, what are you saying? You would never hurt Barriss, you know that!”

Rationalising the situation and taking in Ahsoka’s strewn bedsheets, Anakin took a deep breath, “I think you just woke up from a really bad nightmare, okay?”

Ahsoka shook her head again. “You don’t understand! It wasn’t a nightmare! It was real, I was there!”

Her tone turned monotonous as if she was trying to suppress her feelings. “I was so happy when… when it happened. I felt pleasure when I killed her. I don’t know how I got back here, but the last thing I remember was seeing her face. She was like a statue, she wasn’t moving!” Her voice became frantic. “Her… her eyes were glazed over and she wasn’t breathing! I killed her! She’s dead because of me!”

Anakin took her in another hug, as he struggled with what he could say to ease his Padawan’s grief.

Cautiously, he asked, “If I could prove to you that Barriss was alive, would you come with me to see her?”

Ahsoka nodded her head as she pulled away, “Yes, I… well, I… I’d love to see Barriss, but part of me…”

Anakin laid his hand on her shoulder. “Go on, Ahsoka. It’s okay.”

Ahsoka shook slightly and started to cry softly. “Part of me thinks that I will actually kill her if I do see her.”

Anakin grasped her shoulders and made eye contact, before speaking softly, “Ahsoka, you and Barriss have one of the strongest bonds I know. You wouldn’t hurt her, any more than she would hurt you.”

He attempted a slight smile, “We’ll go together to see her and you can talk to her about it, all right?”

Ahsoka physically recoiled at the thought, “NO!”

Shocked at her own vehemence, she regained her composure and spoke, “No. I mean… I don’t want her to know. This must stay between us! If she found out, she’d never want to speak to me again!”

Anakin only replied, “You don’t have to tell her. Just let her keep you company.”

Observing Ahsoka’s distraught state, he suggested, “Would you rather she come here, instead? I promise I won’t leave until she gets here, unless you’d rather I stayed entirely.”

Ahsoka nodded hesitantly and reached out to hug Anakin. Anakin embraced her gently, rubbing circles into her back as a calmative aid.

Almost imperceptibly, Ahsoka muttered against his chest, “If it was a dream, that means it was just like the one I had a couple of nights ago, after Barriss and I…” Clearing her throat, she avoided that subject. “It started off the same, but the dream kept going this time. Like a recap of the galaxy’s most demented holo-series.”

Anakin chuckled despite himself at the comparison and Ahsoka briefly smiled against him, “Master, could you go see if Barriss is awake? I think I’d like her to be with me now.”

Anakin responded, “I thought you’d never ask.” He disengaged from the hug to stand up and head out of the room, engaging his comlink as he did so.

Ahsoka smiled again as he left the room, but it died almost immediately as her thoughts started wandering.

 

-

 

Barriss Offee heard an insistent beeping around her, as she explored the Force through her meditation. After another minute of the sound persisting, she opened her eyes to see her comlink flashing. Wondering who could be wanting to speak to her at this hour, she switched it on to hear the voice of Master Skywalker.

Barriss’ eyes widened as she was relayed the circumstances of the call. Politely thanking Master Skywalker and assuring him that she was on her way, she brushed herself off and stretched as she walked as fast as she could to Ahsoka’s room.

She berated herself for not realising the source of the disturbance during her meditation.

She had been so deeply within the Force that nothing short of her comlink beeping for several minutes had roused her.

Yet she had felt something.

The emotional pain that she could feel radiating from Ahsoka now had been but a tiny speck in her journey through the currents of the Cosmic Force and she hated herself for not realising or pursuing it.

She saw Master Skywalker waiting anxiously by Ahsoka’s door. As she made her way to him, he looked quietly relieved, but spoke in a whisper, “Barriss. Thank you for coming. I realise that it isn’t the best time, but I think Ahsoka could really use your help.”

Barriss nodded. “I will do what I can, Master Skywalker. Fear not. She is safe now.”

Anakin inclined his head. “Thank you so much, Barriss.”

Letting the door slide open, he led Barriss in and spoke. “Ahsoka, Barriss is here now.”

The lump of blankets on the bed shifted, as a pair of montrals popped into view along with Ahsoka’s head. Barriss made her way to the bed, barely sitting down before Ahsoka launched herself at her, blankets askew.

Caught in a death grip, Barriss started massaging Ahsoka’s rear lekku, as tears left wet trails down her neck.

Anakin asked softly, “Did you want to be alone with Barriss now, Snips?” A soft murmur was all he got from her, but it was enough. He left silently, sending soothing energies into the Force for Ahsoka. She needed them.

 

-

 

Barriss stroked Ahsoka’s lek as she whispered to her, “I’m here now Ahsoka. It will be all right. Nothing can hurt you now.” Barris kissed Ahsoka’s forehead, as a show of support.

She wasn’t much into physical contact, except with Ahsoka, but even then, it wasn’t overt unless they were having sex. Ahsoka shivered at the kiss. While it was chaste enough, it made her feel loved.

Love, she found, was a very strong emotion. This kiss from Barriss, while innocuous, meant the galaxy to her. Her crying stopped as her feelings found an equilibrium and she gazed into the turquoise eyes of her companion.

Ahsoka felt that she could stare into Barriss’ eyes for a beautiful eternity, but Barriss had other ideas.

An awkward cough brought Ahsoka back from her dreaming, as Barriss asked her, “What do you see in my eyes that captivate you, Ahsoka?”

Ahsoka replied, despite herself, “I see peace from my nightmares.”

Cringing, she cursed under her breath. Barriss titled her head, “Is that what’s bothering you? Why you needed to see me so much? You had a bad dream about me?”

Ahsoka couldn’t help but feel impressed as she muttered ashamedly, “You’re very astute, Barriss Offee.”

Barriss smiled shyly. “I’ve learned how to read you, Ahsoka Tano. I know you very well.”

Ahsoka frowned. “Barriss, do I have to tell you about my dream?”

Barriss thought for a moment. “No, you do not. However, my advice is to release your guilt and fear so it does not start to fester within you. It is the only way to solve your predicament.”

Ahsoka shuddered to think about it. “Barriss, please understand, I didn’t ask to dream about this. I don’t want you to feel like I hate you.”

Barriss protested, “I would never feel that way, Ahsoka. I...” Taking a deep breath, she spoke, “I love you.”

Ahsoka’s breath hitched. She had never heard Barriss say that to her before. It felt euphoric. She replied in kind, “I love you too, Barriss. I love you with all my heart and I feel that, if we weren’t Jedi, we could tell everyone and be done with it.”

Her voice rose as bitterness crept in. “I’m sick of hiding, Barriss. Of pretending. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and the Jedi would just cast us out if they knew. They wouldn’t celebrate this. They would just think it’s wrong.”

Barriss sighed. “I know how you feel, Ahsoka. But there’s no use in getting worked up about it now. You’re stressed enough as it is.”

Ahsoka took a deep breath, exhaling in acceptance. “I understand, Barriss. I’m sorry I got ahead of myself. I’m just so worried about you.”

Barriss prodded, “Why?”

Ahsoka told her. “I thought it was real at first, but… I killed you in my dream. I enjoyed it, too. It was just like the dream I had a few nights back. I could see the blood and bodies and I could feel how good it was to kill people. Only this time, I saw that it was you who died.”

All this was delivered without feeling, as if that would make it easier to say. It didn’t.

Barriss was worried. “Ahsoka, have you ever had a Force Vision?”

Ahsoka shook her head. “No. Why? Do you think this was one?”

Barriss elaborated. “Well, from what I’ve heard and read, it sounds very similar. I’m no expert, though, but I can ask one of the Masters, if you would like.”

Ahsoka’s eyes widened. “So do you think the dreams will come true and I’ll kill you?”

Barriss shook her head and placed her hands on Ahsoka’s shoulders. “No, I absolutely do not. You have no reason or desire to hurt me, Ahsoka. You must have been experiencing this… dream from another perspective. What we need to do now, though, is find out whether this really was a vision, or just a harmless nightmare.”

Ahsoka nodded meekly. “I trust you, Barriss.”

Barriss smiled. “I trust you as well, Ahsoka. Now, what do you think about trying to go back to sleep?”

Ahsoka shook her head quickly, but Barriss interjected. “I’ll stay with you, of course. I wouldn’t leave you now. Not when you need me.”

Ahsoka visibly relaxed and made to lay down on the bed. Barriss moved from her seated position to gather up the blankets and place them over Ahsoka gently.

Barriss climbed under the blankets next to Ahsoka, who snuggled into her desperately, to which Barriss assured her, “I promise you, Ahsoka, whatever happens, I won’t leave you.”

Touching their foreheads together, Barriss started massaging circles into Ahsoka’s back, while Ahsoka hummed appreciatively as sleep claimed her.

Barriss used her remaining energy to mentally ward off Ahsoka’s dreams with the Force, before succumbing to unconsciousness, safely entwined in the embrace of her counterpart.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't shoot me for the title!


End file.
